neither or: docuseries and life update!
About 2 weeks ago, the neither or docuseries came out! Make sure to watch my installment and all of the other videos in the series. Everyone was so open and honest and Joe worked so hard on all of the planning and editing of this project, so definitely spend a few minutes to support queer creators as well as educate yourself on some bits of the nonbinary experience!
Some updates! I just started rehearsal today for a show called Red & Black, which is co-conceived and written by Sheridan Merrick and Nick Hatcher. Even just from the table work we did today, I am so thrilled to be a part of this process and really looking forward to all of the important conversations we as a collective are going to have in order to continue the creation of this piece. I won’t go into too much detail about it yet, but stay tuned for future updates. There’ll be three performances, April 12th-14th.
Right now in my life, I am swimming in rehearsals, the stress of finding a survival job, writing, writing, writing, and many applications. I am not so much drowning in auditions currently; however, I am trying to be. The drive to even just look for auditions has been incredibly stressful for the past couple of months. I haven’t had any drive to search for these opportunities for myself. Part of this is because of personal issues, such as my ongoing battles with anxiety and depression, but part of this is also that I am just now entering the negotiation with myself of how I can possibly be a writer and actor both. Of course it is possible. However, someone saying that it’s best to pick and stick with one really stuck with me. That seed has grown into a big crisis for me. Also, acknowledging how it feels like I am always running out of time to do the things that I want to do when, really, I have all of the time in the world. I can create the art that I want to create. I can create on the stage both by writing and by acting. It’s a lot of work, but it can be done, especially since it is something I am so passionate about. What I need to continue to do is write, memorize lines, apply for fellowships, audition, workshop, reach out to people, make meaningful connections, and, most of all, just show up. I need to do my work but at the end of the day, if I don’t show up, there’s no chance. And I want these chances so very badly.
Something I’ve been thinking about recently is also how I can expand my artistic endeavors so that I can have some artistic passions that are purely for fun and not for money. For example, I used to paint and draw quite a bit, and recently, I have been missing it so much. I want more than anything to just bust out my water colors or perhaps pick up embroidery (something I’ve been interested in for 2 years but haven’t actually gone out and gotten the supplies for). What I need to do is build more time in my days to have this sort of artistic expression that is purely for fun. This allows for so much opportunity to learn and grow and has the potential to make me a better theatre maker because of the different perspectives something as simple as switching up the medium can provide. And speaking of perspectives, I want to begin reading more once again. The summer after seventh grade, I read 35 books. 35 in 3 months. Not including assigned summer reading. I miss that. I miss that so intensely. I want to read for pleasure, and I want to read to learn. I picked up a book on the theory of relativity from the library but never had the opportunity to finish it. Perhaps now that I’m so busy, any reading I do should just strictly be for pleasure. But, I think I should make a game plan for this summer so that I can read books with the purpose of learning about something I’m curious about. I’m curious about and miss science, so I’d love to see myself dive into that more.
Also looking forward, I’d love to see myself writing and posting these sort of artistic process journals weekly or biweekly or just regularly in any sort of way at all. I think it’ll be really important to future Mae to see where I was at these points in my life and in my process trying to start a career, what my world is like, my perspective and headspace, everything. I journal quite a bit, but usually about personal things. I don’t much keep an artistic journal (which I really need to start doing - I do it for specific plays I am writing, but not general process of all the art things, which I really need to do).
Main goals going forward: finish the first draft of my first full length play by May, keep submitting applications, looking for and getting auditions, and opening a New Play Exchange account in order to upload my work. Also, I have disposable cameras to get developed that I just have not.
There’s a lot to be done. So much. All the time. But that’s okay. Baby steps are okay. Baby steps are great. Bravery is hard. Everything is hard. And it’s all okay. And it’s all great.
That’s enough from me for now. Hopefully I make this whole rambling business more of a thing so that I become less afraid to take up space! I think that that would be pretty neat!
xoxo River